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04 January 2012 @ 08:27 pm
"I am so ashamed of the fuss I'm making, what do you do when things go wrong?"
School is nearing it's end. I love my friends. On the downside, bulimia is awful but I am teething (wisdom) so am trying to reduce purging because it hurts so bad.
Tonight I am playing Sopranos drinking game by myself.
I love you guys, and Nance and. Anneke I am a bit scattered at the moment but your letters are coming. Anneke your card made my week!
05 February 2011 @ 01:30 am
sleeping in hope that certain people - certain, numerous people such as the lovely, beautiful and afflicted SANDY (sunnybeaches) rest assured of, if only my minor opinion, that they are truly beautiful people
07 December 2010 @ 10:50 pm
i am so alone
23 September 2010 @ 11:30 pm
a bottle of vino is a teriible awful BAD idea

bad girl]stupid girl\
23 September 2010 @ 11:22 pm
ugh i am realllllly drunk bottle of wine my heart hurts why a i sto stupid? aone? i am an idot? idiot/... idiot.... idiot... wosh i was dead yuck i am fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat or wish i wias kinda coool... likrsanly ... oterestog
07 June 2010 @ 04:37 pm
once white teeth now yellowing and listerine won't do anymore; i'm throwing up so much i don't brush for fear of ruining the enamel... irony. at least i don't have to kiss anyone. my breath's a mix of cheap alcohol, smoke and vomit at all times. i feel very loved at the moment, by jessie, still managing to call me in the midst of her year 12 mid years and boyfriend troubles and siobhan and ellyse and julz and kate, tis nice. other friends, not lifemates or soul sisters but great people, are so lovely too. its interesting to know who remains when you llose it and are not the person promised, the friend you're supposed to be.
hopefully i will be looking at some form of different treatment soon. training into the hospital on wednesday with jordan and with any luck tomorrow will be binge free, knock on wood. cutting down on smoking before america, getting on ok with my brother, exams finish tomorrow. i should be ok
30 April 2010 @ 10:45 pm
today i cried a lot, until my mascara ran and my eyes were red and puffy. it didn't help. like every other week, i told my therapist i feel trapped and stuck and lonely. she said it was hard to see me so sad; she's really lovely and genuine, the best therapist ive had yet, i like talking to her. my parents are unhappy with me, they dont trust me, i can see why. dad nearly hit me with the stolen wine he found in my room tonight, raised the bottle and decided against it. the idea, the hope, that i had, that was pulling me through, has all but been evaporated and this time, unlike most, i can say i actually fought and tried and was blockaded.. rejected. he doesn't know that i love him, the impact hes had on me, the effect he had on me as the first adult who ever told me i was smart and capable deserved to be well; 'a good kid.' my throat hurts, my tummy hurts, my heart hurts, i can't write. i can eat though, i can always eat. the scars on my arms aren't fading as predicted and on wednesday night i burnt my thighs, both thighs. it didnt help. talking and writing arent helping, it just makes me sad because ive done a lot of both and progression hasnt occured. i dont know what i want or need. i hate being burdensome. i hate being down. my dreams are scaring me. im running out of outlets.
27 April 2010 @ 09:43 pm
i am very very sad and utterly alone and have no access to alcohol seeing as my mother poured the contents of the liquor cupboard and my stash down the sink. at a loss for what to do at this point
10 April 2010 @ 12:01 am
RA RA OHH LA LA RAA RA OHH GAAA GAA i want your loving i want all your revenge you and me could ihave abad romance...he ate my heart he ate my heart instead he was a monster (in my head) he ate my hearrrt

u7mmm so iuve  been writing otherwise outside lj so that outlets been filled. i read often though. youre all so admireable for what you do, what you awrite , what you put up with , i respoect it.
i spents oo myuch money on bnge food this week. over 100 bucks. and i still ate all the nutella in the pantry which is soo hard to munt up completely, sticks like concernte to my stomach lining, refusing to move. my best friends are foing well despite some difficult, trialing sitiuations. so poroud. umm what else/ need to work a bit harder with schoool, i have homework/study i needa do. cuttting down on diet caffiented drinks should be a priority. i worked heaps this holidays,a lot,didnt save any money tho9ugh. ummmm i am lucky for situations in whih i am in, family, welath, job, etc i am privleged and thankful i fddl